Hope for Immigrants
The President elections of 2010 had a big controversy since the main point of why our current president Barack Obama won, is immigration issues. The issues had been ongoing since a year ago, and is nothing new. In 2015 it the most discussed subject in the United States, from government, the Senate, the White House, and House of Representatives, to communities in the fifty states. Hispanics are getting united to be heard by the government, they are the largest minority in the country. Their common goal, fight without force for an amnesty; have a legal status and parents in families can get a better job and be better paid.
Having a drivers licence, a social security number, or even be able to apply for jobs online, are the hopes and dreams of every immigrant. Hard working people that came to the United States to improve their lives. Kristof agrees that, “They have contributed $100 billion to Social Security over a decade without any intention of collecting benefits” immigrants work to support their families and pay taxes from the government of every paycheck (Kristof 2). When they reach sixty five years old, the majority keeps working because they can not have the Social Security benefits, that consist in having a paycheck without working since they reach a high age and is difficult to keep working.
The number of immigrant is increasing each year, Kristof argue that, “Many American see foreigners moving to their towns, see signs in Spanish, and fret about changes to the traditional fabric of society” each immigrant group start to make their own towns, hispanics, chinese, irish and more; they bring the traditions of their country and apply them here (Kristof 1). United States is known by the cultural diversity it has. There are immigrants from all around the globe. Have different language, traditions, appearance and, clothes but, united in one, the hopes for an amnesty.
.
You need to to open your field of view to other topics. Some other topics you can use is families being torn apart by deporting children's parents. Also in your first paragraph you need to include all immigrants, not just hispanics. It's true that some immigrants have contributed in paying taxes, but it felt a bit short. The whole article itself felt to be short and needed to be more elaborated. It also needed a bit more evidence to really prove that you where on the side of helping all immigrants that come to the United States.
ReplyDeleteYou need to expand your ideas to fit your solution. How are Hispanics going to "fight without force for an amnesty". In your second paragraph you showed, through sources, how undocumented workers are unable to collect social security benefits. You showed the injustices in our system, but didn't tie it to your solution. How are Hispanics going to fight this injustice "without force"? The essay needs a counter argument as well. The last paragraph does the same as the second. Overall, the the supporting body paragraphs need to be elaborated to show that Hispanics are coming together to "fight without force for an amnesty".
ReplyDeleteYour argument needs to focus on ALL illegal immigrants not just hispanics. It's true that hispanics are the largest minority group, but this argument needed to focus on all the illegal immigrants. Also, I felt like this argument could have been stronger if you added more facts. For example, you could have stated how illegal immigrants contribute to paying taxes. Lastly, this argument did not focus on the counter argument. A counter argument for this could be that granting illegal immigrants amnesty could be really expensive and we (America) could just deport all immigrants and build a higher fence and have more border police. That could be less expensive then granting them amnesty.
ReplyDeleteIllegal immigrants are not just Hispanics. Illegal immigrants are from all over the world who come from different backgrounds. The argument also needed to have had more facts. It also needed a counter arguement as well. By providing a counter argument, this essays could've been extended more by explaining more of the expenses.
ReplyDeleteYes the purpose to amnesty immigrants is so they can have better lives like any American citizens. Also, it would have been nice if you of would have mention which side you supported the most, though it is some what clear that you are pro; you need to be more specific next time. Also, you should include the downfall on why it should not be amnestied so you will not seem to bias. However, you brought up an interesting point, when a group is strong-willed then it can be very difficult to diminish them. One last thing is that it is great that you implied that immigrants would continue to work on when they are older because of the lack of documentation and benefits.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe majority of people who want to enter America show that they are hard-working people that just want to improve their lives. Having a license, or a social security number is what immigrants strive for because it finally means that they are being accepted. They have taken a step towards experiencing the American dream. Immigrants from all over the world, not just of Hispanic heritage, deserve the right to improve their lives. They deserve an opportunity to become a part of this country.
DeleteYour position in this argument needs to be more clear. Just like everyone said in their previous comment's , immigrants arent only hispanic. You need to incorporate more counter arguments. You need to expand your ideas. You just use most of your ideas from the articles. You need to be more logic.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction started off great. You had a good start but as your essay progressed it kind of fell off. Incorporating clearly both sides to the issue and not just focusing on one race would strengthen your argument. Just having a one sided position with only a focus on one race brings bias to your essay which can only hurt your claim. Maybe since you started off with Obama, you could have ended if your essay with a quote from him about immigration.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction was well thought, however the argument did not support both sides of illegal immigration issue, and information. The articles shares more information other than immigrants being able to come to our country, and reasons why they should work. It talks able how immigrants contribute to tax revenue and disease. The articles offers solutions to illegal immigration and shares our dislikes of immigrants. Yes, every immigrant wants to be treated as a citizen, but it shall be earned, not given to them. Think about it, we as American citizens have to complete elementary, earn a high school diploma, and pay for our own college education to have a good job.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction of your argument started in a great way, very stronger but while reading further on your idea seem to shorten to just one race of documented immigrants and you didn't seem to expand the idea of other undocumented immigrants from other races until the end in the last paragraph. make sure that you don't just focus one certain race or just direct yourself to that. Your argument seemed to need more supporting evidence to better grab the audience attention.
ReplyDeleteYour Argument has potential, but one major problem is your focus. Although Hispanics are the largest minority, they aren't the only ones that make up the undocumented immigrant population. In addition, you made good points in your second and third paragraphs but there isn't enough depth to make a strong enough argument.
ReplyDeleteYour argument is confusing as to what side you are on. You give fair details to one side of the argument. Looking at both sides of an argument and choosing a truth claim is a key aspect so that it would be difficult to counter argue. The issue with amnesty does not only apply to Mexicans. You based your argument on one race, which weaken your argument.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEverything that was mentioned in your blog was all agreeably and could easily melt the hearts of many for amnesty. However you didn't include counter arguments or views of those that are against amnesty. Therefore your ideas can be viewed as bias and one-sided. To make your argument strong, you must include different view points. Agreeably immigrants add culture to America and they contribute to the economic value. But again whats the down fall to these ideas.
ReplyDelete